I’ll just put it out there.

Every time I stand up from sitting down for any period of time I can’t get to the bathroom fast enough. I blame gravity. And being 52. But mostly gravity. It’s not always instantaneous – sometimes after standing up, I live in a 30 second gravity-less vortex, so I have to wait to pass judgement on how fast I need to move. But when it hits, it hits hard.

In fact the kids all know to step aside on the way into the house or listen to mom cry ‘it’s gonna burst”.

And it has. I’ll spare the details.

The only time I earned a back seat to the bathroom rush was when my daughter, Maggie was pregnant. Gravity was not her friend during that time either. For those 9 months I didn’t go anywhere without my Depends. I’m flexible and understanding, but my bladder is not.

And friends who don’t get it? “Age 50? I’m floating on air,” she says. I wish I says.

I am not growing old gracefully. I wish I was one of those women who feels better at 50 than she did at 25. I’m not, so I’m just dealing.

Oh and It’s not just the bladder that gravity plays havoc with. Don’t forget:

  • Boobs – sometimes one more than the other
  • Chin(s)
  • Arm fat
  • Bad knees
  • Muffin top (which becomes a muffin bottom)
  • Feet – half size wider, nbd
  • Holding my grandbaby on my hip which is like having him on your bladder. Yes, we’re back to the bladder again.

Gravity. I defy you. You suck. You will not win. You may get your way, but you will not defeat me.


8 Comments on Gravity is not your friend. Defy it.

  1. Kathy
    July 7, 2014 at 1:36 pm (4 years ago)

    I’m 40 and I feel it too! And I agree GRAVITY SUCKS!

  2. Haralee
    July 7, 2014 at 11:34 am (4 years ago)

    I have always had an itty bitty bladder. (IBB) Age is not helping either, I understand. I don’t need to set an alarm clock my bladder will not let me sleep late!

  3. Tammy
    July 7, 2014 at 9:46 am (4 years ago)

    I totally get it. What’s even worse is bending over to dry my hair. I feel as if my entire face is falling off. I guess that’s why one of my favorite quotes was from Dixie Carter or Delta Burke on “Designing Women” when she said (and I’m paraphrasing) when you get older you should always have sex on you back because if you are on top looking down, your face looks awful. (Don’t believe me…use a mirror – YUCK!)

  4. Sharon Greenthal
    July 7, 2014 at 9:26 am (4 years ago)

    My bladder – it’s an attention whore. Anytime anyone says “I’m going to the ladies room, anyone else want to come?” I always, always say yes. I can pee anytime.

  5. Kathy Radigan
    July 7, 2014 at 8:54 am (4 years ago)

    After 3 kids and 48 years on the planet I get this too!

  6. Sharon
    June 29, 2014 at 9:45 pm (4 years ago)

    lol. Makes me think of the John Mayer song that goes, “Gravity, stay the hell away from me!”

  7. Jennifer P
    June 29, 2014 at 9:35 pm (4 years ago)

    I’m 42. I get it. ugh.


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