I had blogged for a long time before anyone knew I was divorced. You may still not know if you don’t know me personally. I never mentioned my ex because, well, my blog was my place and I used it to get away from the pain and exhaustion that a bad divorce can cause. Yes, the divorce was bad – I can’t imagine any divorce is ever really good – and at the time I didn’t know if I’d make it out in one piece. I’m sure he felt the same way – I KNOW he felt the same way. We had a long road ahead of us to get to some sort of healing.
I was needy after he left and I wasn’t afraid to ask him to help me with repair work around the house. In my head I imagine he owed it to me after leaving me. He didn’t – but who was I to turn down free labor and maybe the chance to give him a hard time. And he got to see the kids – so I saw it as a win all around.
He helped in other ways too – in fact he hardly ever turned down my request for help. I don’t remember when or where I asked him this question, but I really wondered why he always helped me out – why he said yes so willingly. I couldn’t understand why he was being so nice and accommodating. His answer hit me hard and has stuck with me for all these years.
He wanted to make sure the mother of his children was always taken care of and was happy and ok – because he didn’t want the kids to ever have to worry about me.
He did it for the children. He did it for me, for the children.
There is no greater gift you can give to your children than to make sure the other parent is healthy and happy – both physically and mentally. People who spend their time trying to crap on each other in a breakup are missing a very clear message. You do what you have to for your family and when a relationship ends but you share a child – well that makes you family forever, no matter how you feel about that person.
Keep it in mind as you move through relationships in your life. You are here to raise happy, healthy children. That means you take care of and respect the people who mean everything to them. My ex may not be mine anymore, but he’s theirs and that will always mean I’ll care.