Twitter people. You love it and you love followers.
OR DO YOU?
Here is the fastest way to lose followers, get blocked, and make a bad impression in general. And I’m talking to human people not brands and businesses. That’s a whole other post….
I’m going to break them down into categories, because if you really want to know how to do this you probably need me to talk…. very… slowly….
What can you do to increase your chances of being UNFOLLOWED ON TWITTER
*Keep the egg. The twitter default. Nothing says “I’m human” like an egg.
*Be naked. This gets you unfollowed before you even get followed. I have not tested this out personally.
*Be a blog button or a logo. You probably spent a whole $5 on that blog button…get your money’s worth.
*Be animated. I haven’t been able to let go of myspace either.
*Make your bio a stupid statement like “WHO’S MAH DADDY?”. This gives me a real sense of who you are and why you might want to connect with random people. (and btw I have no idea who YO DADDY IS)
*You have 160 characters. Go ahead and see if 220 will fit in there. You know something like this:
“Review blogger, brand ambassador, all around happy person. I’m a mom of 3 and would really like to connect with you. The most important thing you’ll want to kno”
What? I’m dying here….
*Refer to yourself as a social media maven or guru. Shows you are current with all the digital buzz words.
*Leave it empty. Sometimes nothing says everything.
*Tweet the same thing from 4 different accounts. Please.
*Tell us every mundane thing you do all day long.
fed the fish
went to the bathroom
ate a sandwich
whoops! forgot to wash my hands after the bathroom trip!
got the runs. no idea why
*Auto DM me your facebook page or blog and ask me to follow you there. I guess you aren’t engaging enough on twitter so I have to go somewhere else. My guess is you also have either the guru or maven bio.
*Send me random links that have nothing to do with me. “hey you might like this”. Even better if your avatar is naked.
*Put a . in front of EVERY tweet you @ someone. Everything you have to say is so important. I’m impressed you can regurgitate that much relevant stuff all. day. long.
*TWEET IN ALL CAPS. EVEN BETTER IF IT’S DURING A TWITTER PARTY. AND IF YOU DON’T TWEET IN ALL CAPS MAKE SURE YOU “RT” EVERYONE WHO DOES.
*Participate in a twitter party with a #hashtag like #TOILETWAND. Show how classy you really are….
You don’t have to do them all to get unfollowed. You might only need one..maybe two… Find a combination you like, the Twitter Unfollow Cocktail of sorts, and go for it. Tell me how it works out. You’ll have to let me know here, because if you do any of this I have probably already unfollowed you!