I’ve got this one down to a science.  Who wants all that fuss anyway?  Cameras all over your house, cleaning for days just to have everything sparkle…

Really.  If you are trying to stay out of fancy home magazines, you have come to the right place.

I am sent all kinds of cleaning products, productivity tools, and even a new Oreck Steam It, which I love (disclosure I asked please can I try and it’s fab)…but the truth is, I avoid cleaning…stress over it…I am the anti-clean…

What?  Nothing new here?  You too?

There is something to be said for people who have better than perfect homes.  I have tried for years and failed.  I think they have a gift that I lack.  Energy.  Or cases of Red Bull.  NOT QUITE SURE.

Here’s the short list of how to keep Southern Living from knocking down your door.

1. All furniture must serve as a cat scratching post.  Although if you want to keep the kitties off,  ADD YELLOW DUCT TAPE.  This is especially effective on the pleather sofa you got for $150.  (this is in my basement and my 18 year old son executed this project on his own *proud mama pout*)

2. Hang your Pashminas on the doors to the den to get the wrinkles out.  This not only reduces ironing duties, but also keeps people wondering who your decorator is and why you paid them.

3. NEVER and this is critical, fix the tilted pictures on the wall.  I mean the house is just going to shift again, the kids will bang the walls again, and you will spend all your time nudging and inching.  Think of the hours you would save each year.  Personally I am saving my time to get my brows waxed. (quit touching the screen there is nothing you can do to straighten them)

4. Instead of folding your towels Martha Stewart Style (seriously a cutting board?), wad them up and throw them on the shelf.  I promise it is a better use of space and more towels will fit on there.  Stuff into every corner possible.  Use the wash cloths as fillers.  It’s pure physics-or is it geometry?  Whatever…Same goes for sheets and no you are not getting a picture of that I’m too lazy to go upstairs.

5. DO NOT be a hoarder.  But if you feel a need to keep every Pottery Barn catalog so you can feel superior, take stock in Rubbermaid Company, buy a bunch of their containers and keep your “I’m so not hoarding, I’m organizing” stuff in those – discreetly hidden in the corner where you can pretend no one sees them.

Now you are on your way!  Leave a few tissues laying around for the dog to chew shred and I think you have it!

Happy Decorating!

Oh, 52 to Fabulous?

Not so much huh?  Yes we have some things to work on now don’t we?

11 Comments on How to Keep Your House OUT of Southern Living

  1. rachel-asouthernfairytale
    January 10, 2010 at 11:35 am (8 years ago)

    HA HA HA HA HA
    Okay, so what is the Oreck Steam It? Do tell….

    I have laminate hard wood ad need something to clean them… NOTHING works.

    Reply
  2. Debbie
    January 10, 2010 at 1:04 am (8 years ago)

    Love it! Hey, it’s not going to be a problem for me. Now, the health department……that’s another problem!

    Reply
    • Short Pump Preppy
      January 9, 2010 at 9:40 pm (8 years ago)

      hoping if there is a ‘how not to decorate” magazine they don’t find me (ducks and hides(

      Reply
    • Short Pump Preppy
      January 9, 2010 at 9:39 pm (8 years ago)

      yes, and you are seeing it on a good day …sheesh!

      Reply
  3. Monica
    January 9, 2010 at 4:03 pm (8 years ago)

    How funny!!!

    Just wanted to let you know that I just found your blog. My family just moved to VA a few weeks ago (Ft. Lee area) and Short Pump Town Center was one of the first places we visited. I absolutely loved it!!
    .-= Monica´s last blog ..Friday Favorites January 7, 2010 =-.

    Reply
  4. smilinggreenmom
    January 9, 2010 at 8:24 am (8 years ago)

    ROTFL!! This is pure genius ;) Looks like my house – minus the pretty paint colors that you have LOL! Btw, incase you didn’t get your tweet – you have officially been “tagged” http://smilinggreenmom.com/?p=1742 (hehehe)
    .-= smilinggreenmom´s last blog ..Tag! I’m it??? =-.

    Reply
    • Short Pump Preppy
      January 9, 2010 at 9:38 pm (8 years ago)

      oh gosh! i will check it out…haven’t done a tag in a year

      Reply

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